My Girl Quest

Jun 3, 2008

About my girl quest

Instant messaging programs are great when you combine them with work *giggles* Usually, I keep chatting about all sorts of random things with my friends but now it was just a bit different.

I was a bit upset and deluded following my last evening’s failure, so I started a completely NSFW chat with one of my penpals. Or whatever you call a person you only talk with and which is from a far away country. A good online-friend, I might add, a person I know for at least 3 years now. Anyway, the idea is that I told her about my bet to score 100 girls in 365 days and she had a horrible reaction.

She said something like (I’m quoting from my memory): “I thought you were a better person, that you have a soul, unlike the other hunting males in the world, that you know dating is one thing and sex marathons are another”. She said I have no heart, that I will only become a huge pain in the girl’ hearts, a nightmare they'll pray to forget, that I will make them suffer just to feed my dying ego, just to prove myself the most stupid thing: that I am a male.

I don’t know if she is right. Of course, the way things are looking now, I’m not only a complete wuss who has no idea how to date, flirt, begin a relationship or just score to win his bet with life, but I am also the one who gets hurt, trashed and squashed by his victims. The complete idiocy, the supreme proof of “God has forgotten about me” syndrome. I’m the loser at the moment and it’s not a really great feeling, to be honest.

However, no matter if I fail or not, this is just a game! I will not ruin anybody’s life to keep my ego pumped! I am not going to make no girl cry for me, honestly, now! I’m the one who got effed up by the person who meant the world for. Please, allow me to live my life and don’t call me an egoistical creature! I’m the victim here, just so everybody knows!

Jun 2, 2008

Sad..

Really, moments like this one here are not something you’d like to remember. I want to forget it. I want to FORGET!!!

It’s not about the quest anymore, it’s just about me. I am destined to fail. To be a looser and never be able to date a girl (my quest is clearly something utopic, if I can use that word…). I feel horrible. Sad.

She did not come. I have waited, sipping that obscenely expensive coffee. She didn’t come.

She did not answer her phone. I kept calling like a loser, but she did not answer. She knew she had a date with me, she could’ve just picked up the phone and say “Sorry, loser! I’m not coming anymore, I’m on the Moon now”. But she didn’t have the decency to do that. C. was the worst start possible.

And when I think about the fact that I was happy, excited, full of hope…

Now I’m sad.

Random song. Everly Brothers – Dream, Dream, Dream. That’s all I can do now. Unbelievable. I’m a loser.

First date

Completely tired, that's how I feel now after so much work (don't you just hate Mondays?) and I should really hurry since my quest officially begins today, and I will hopefully be able to score. It would be right on schedule, since I should get one girl every 3.65 days. Hahaha, this is completely insane!

Anyway, as promised, here is a quick glimpse on how everything happened and how I got the date with C. I was in a club with my friends (not the same I was in on Saturday, I doubt I will ever go there again) and things seemed to be even worse than the prior day: no girl was checking me and there was none interesting enough for me. I spent the first 1 hour and something sitting at the table and drinking (yeah, I know, not exactly the best way to find a girl) and I was really trying not to fall asleep. I was really tired – clubs ain't my thing. At all.

Eventually I decided it was time to do what I came there to do and I went to the bar to buy a new beer (dunno why, but I feel more secure with a bottle in my hand). That was the moment when lady luck smiled. She was there, a stranger, hiding in the dark. The funny thing is that I didn't even notice her, I didn't even realize she was talking to me. She said, on a low voice "hi". When she repeated it and it was obvious she was talking to me, I got the butterflies through my stomach and I probably turned into a red demon. I just wasn't prepared for that and I completely lost myself. But she smiled and said her name. We shook hands and spend a few minutes talking (actually, she was talking, I doubt I said 20 words). Then, all of a sudden, she told me she had to go. Of course, I was that stupid and still shocked that I didn't tell her something like "we should see each other again".

But she did. Yeah, I know, I'm completely lame, but I am still doing the recovery time (I reckon I'll be a stud in 10 days, maximum). So, she said something like "We get along well, we should definitely meet again" - and hell, we didn't even had a dialog, to be honest. But it doesn't matter. Even though she is a freak (honestly, know, I doubt a normal girl would do what she did) I'm going to score tonight! My first girl. C. is going to mark the beginning of my life!

I don't know if I did say everything and all these words I wrote made sense, but I am really in a hurry – we're going to meet in about half an hour. Just the two of us, in a nice cafe she picked. It's obvious what's going to happen, right? Wish me luck!

Progress, Already!

Open the champagne bottle and drink for me! Finally (and sooner than I was expecting it to happen, honestly) I made some progress. I didn’t, unfortunately, manage to write the first girl’s name on the list, but Mr Fast here got game! And I’m definitely on the right track.

Her name is C. We’re going to meet today and I really hope I’ll be able to write here yesterday’s story before we do. I’m at work now, though, and I wouldn’t like to be caught blogging by my boss. I am just really excited – Sunday nights are definitely the best times to meet girls!

Note: If you were wondering – no, I didn’t use the line I promised to use yesterday. You need guts to do that, tons of guts and that’s something I don’t have yet. But, since I have made some huge progress (and I did it sooner than D. was expecting), I’m sure I’ll soon be sailing. Yeah!

Jun 1, 2008

Pickup Lines

Really, I'm not yet desperate. But a bit of help is always great. So I have decided to check a few websites and get some inspiration for a few great pickup lines. Hey! I’m a man in need! Not to mention I haven’t done this for a looong time. So, please, stop laughing!

Because the real reasons to laugh are the lines themselves. If there is something they say, that is: “You’re hopeless if you are here now.” Here are a few random examples of pickup stupidity I found on that website:

My love for you is like the universe...neverending! (Come on, that’s lame! How could you madly love a person you don’t know???)

Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted. (It’s obviously not something to say after a few drinks. And, even if you manage to say it right and flawlessly – what girl would buy such a crap?)

Girl, your body is a wonderland, and I want to be Alice so that I can run around all over you. (Result: Slap! Kick! “Policeeee!”)

I'm like a computer game, you can play with me all day long! (Girls DON’T play, honestly. Even more, they generally run away if they hear “computer geek”)

I think you got a little food on your lip.. here let me lick it off for you. (Yuck! Really. YUCK!)

“When I saw your face I thought I died and went to heaven” (Come on, now, that’s not a pickup line, that’s Brian Adams singing!)

Hey baby you plus me equals we. (Oh, my god! I’m either way too old, or this list was made by dudes under 12. There’s no hope left in the world.)

Honestly, now. If you ever want to know how NOT to pick up a girl, just visit a pickup lines website. I know I am hopeless at the moment and my word doesn’t mean jack, but just read these lines (and, trust me, 99% of them are like that or even worse). Still, I might just have something. The one in a billion chance:

“Hey, how’s it going? Do you see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute“

Finally something I liked. I will use it tonight. And, after that I promise to myself that I will be original. Pickup lines really suck. Hope she’ll say yes. Whoever she is.

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Image credits: jilliansjournal

A Few Changes

Just a few notes, since I had a little chat with D., the friend that knows about all this and basically the one who started this whole madness (or, at least, to be madness).

We did a little math and 100 girls in 365 days, without counting ONSs is something we could call impossible. Honestly. So, starting now on, ONSs DO count. Yahoo!

Uhm… well… just sorta “yahoo!”… I still have to get myself together and start achieving something, after all! Last night was not something I could call encouraging...

Second, the “proofs” thing. I can’t really bring proofs to D. for every girl I’ll put under my spell (except if I do some completely wrong things, like hidden cams or such – which I am NOT going to). However, I gave him my word I won’t lie. I have no reason to – at least during the first 100 days :)

And, at last, a blog-related thing. I said I will not promote my “adventure”. I have decided to do it, after all. Following my last night’s "success", I see that I need all the help and support in the world. Even though I will probably only receive hate-mail from girls. Well.. nobody’s perfect! So you should not pity the fool. He will change.

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Image credits: theretrobaby

Smashed, Squashed

Well… last night’s happenings are something I could call a bad start. Horrible start. Inability. Sad and pathetic. I have a lot of work to do now, that’s a sure thing!

I went to the club together with D., my only friend who knows about this bet, convinced by the fact that clubs are the best places where dudes like me should find easygoing girls and score. For me, it was completely false. Pure failure. I felt rusty, old, outdated – an alien, a person out of this world. A STRANGER.

To sum things up, I have tried to get my hands on… exactly 1 (ONE!) chick. There were tens of single girls there, yet I was afraid. Shy. Not ready. Mr. Fast the Unready. That should be my name.

So… back to the club. I was feeling a bit nervous, so I said it would be better if I started with a cocktail – you know, to make things a bit easier in the future. The bartender gave me the pinkish glass and said “Here you are, girl!” and I just knew it wasn’t going to be my night. I drank the cocktail. And two beers. Then, I wasted about 20 more minutes encouraging myself: “You can do it! You can do it!” Only then I had the guts to start dancing.

And who would’ve thought that finding a date is impossible in a club? My friend, D. certainly didn’t (but, hey! at least he had some great time making fun of me afterwards).

I noticed this girl, it seemed like she was looking at me. She wasn’t beautiful – a bit fat, dancing something that looked more like an African tribal dance, but she was OK. You gotta start somewhere. So, thanks to the ingested alcohol, I managed to get close enough to her, dance around and prepare the way for my opening line. My heart was like “Bang! Bang! Bang!” and I was starting to get very dizzy. My shirt was all wet and only God knows why I was so afraid.

Only when she probably had lost the last bit of interest in me, I finally had the guts to say something. “Hi,” I said and probably my face was so red and stupid that the girl laughed and turned away. Imagine that! I am pathetic. I wasted an entire night just to say “Hi” to a girl that laughed at me. It’s hard to get reborn. To start your new life. To understand dating, to understand what dating means, to get your skills back. But I’m not giving up. I will turn all things around.