Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Jul 24, 2008
It comes a time when your luck disappears... that time is now!
Ever since I started my Girl Quest I was very lucky – I’m not a charmer, I’m not a real flirt, I’m not a ladies man. Yet, I have managed to score far more chicks than I or anybody else would’ve expected. I was starting to get the feeling the scoring chicks is actually something so easy or something I’m so good at that I should become some kind of relationship guru or whatever. The truth is that I’m far, far from something like that. And I’m running out of luck, too.
Just as I was supposed to, I went out to meet with P. – she insisted I shouldn’t come and pick her up – so I took the table, ordered the drinks and waited for her, creating all sorts of scenarios in my mind on how the night will go: each and every one of my scenarios ended with the two of us at my place, in my bed, doing the wild thing. I was ready. She was going to get IT.
Or not.
When she arrived, everything was looking great: she was looking great, her perfume was smelling great, even I was feeling OK and not tired, which is a first for the past couple of weeks when I was over-tired from work. Anyway, we started to talk – nothing important, just the regular talk, the prelude, the “how was your day” sort of things you’re talking first. It should’ve been at least a decent night, with two people feeling great together if it wouldn’t have been for the phone.
You know… THE PHONE. I might be a bit paranoid, but usually girls tell some friend to call them for “something urgent and important” in case they don’t like their date. That something happened during her date with me, apparently, because somebody called her, she acted pretty surprised and told me she really has to go. Of course, I offered her my help and said I’ll go with her, but she refused. “It’s something personal,” she said. “I’ll be back”.
Every time I hear that line I think Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator and it doesn’t sound great. I was sure she was not going to come back, but I decided to wait just a bit more – about 15 minutes, just as long as it took me to finish my beer and feel horrible all alone in the crowded pub. Then I called her and the rest was as expected: she was terribly sorry, but she was almost certain she was not going to comeback, so I’d better go home and we’ll meet again. Yeah, right! I just don't understand why she had to do it during our third date... did she keep trying and hoped to get something out of me and I was unable to comply?
And I don’t understand why I am so unlucky. Can things change over night – from the luckiest guy in the world to the most sorrow? I only seem to meet girls who seem to be attracted by my looks/personality/whatever, but then they run away. Does my breath smell bad? Am I actually a horrible person to be around with, the ugly duck, the boring fellow? I have no idea, but things are going wrong. As in horribly wrong and I don’t know why.
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UPDATE: Screw that! I’m not that ugly, after all. I have just posted this entry and P. called me, saying she’s sorry and that if I want she can come and meet me. I told her I’m home, she seemed to agree to come here. She said she’ll tell me about her problem, but I don’t really care, as long as thing are finally as they seem to be: in my favor! I’m going to pick her up. Hopefully, there won’t be a second update where I’ll cry for being dumped again. :)
Jun 18, 2008
Dealing with your ex
If I were the paranoid type of person (please notice the sarcasm!), I could’ve said that I have been asking for it, with all my “somebody’s watching me” nonsense. But I was partially correct – even though it seems that nobody was watching my blog (from the people that should not do it, of course!), my worst fear was just around the corner. The beast that ate my life and threw it in the garbage dump. The reason for My Girl Quest, in the first place. My ex. M.
Today she said she just had to meet me, that it was a must, that there was no other way to do it. She said it was a very urgent thing and she really, really needed my help – she was in trouble. And, even though I feel like puking whenever I think of her; even though it hurts me to tears to remember any of the moments I had spent with her; even though I promised to myself that M. is dead and she will never ever get a chance to sneak into my life… I was a bit worried. She needed help, as she said and it seemed like I was the only person able to help her.
I am so stupid sometimes!
We agreed to meet at 5. This meant that I had to ask my boss to let me leave earlier today (and I will probably have to compensate for this somehow tomorrow). Anyway… I left earlier and went straight home. Back then, I didn’t find it funny she wanted to meet at my place, not in a pub or something...
So she came to the door, more beautiful than ever, smelling like a new life, looking like paradise, breathing heaven. And I was probably looking like the most stupid thing on earth there, in front of the door, drooling and starting to remember the good.
That’s always the problem in such cases – when you meet a person you truly loved after so much time (yes, I do consider 6 months SO much time), you tend to forget the unbearable pain she has provoked. You tend to act stupid. You are defenseless and she usually knows it. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have come looking like she did, smelling like she did, and having so big “problems”.
I am so stupid sometimes!
Without even saying “Hello”, she jumped into my arms and kissed me. I don’t have words for the feeling I had when I felt her lips, when I touched her skin, when I started to remember HER. She told me that she did think about the whole thing and that she realized she had mistaken to dump me for another dude. She told me that she truly loved me and she realized that while being alone for the past two weeks, after that guy dumped her.
Let me repeat that: She said that she realized how much she loved me AFTER the guy she dumped me for, dumped her. After she became single. All alone. And she needed a milking cow. You get it?
And I am not that stupid!
The first thing I felt like doing was to hit her. To hit her hard and tell her to f*** off. But I have never hit a woman and she definitely did not worth being a first for me. Then I thought I should just play the game a little and take her to my bed, take advantage of her then write her name in My Girl Quest’s list then shew her. But I did not do it. Instead, I told her that I no longer feel anything for her. I showed her the pictures I took with C. and that M. (the one from the party, obviously). I showed her I can have a life without her. That I can still have sex after she’s gone. That I am a man.
She insisted. I denied. She tried to kiss me again, I had the strength to refuse. I invited her to leave. I invited her to go and never turn back. I wished her good luck and asked her to wish me the same, since I had bigger plans for my life. She said nothing.
Was I stupid? Was I stupid I said no to her? Oh, God, please tell me I did the right thing!
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Top image credits: www.wigen.net
Jun 2, 2008
Sad..
Really, moments like this one here are not something you’d like to remember. I want to forget it. I want to FORGET!!! It’s not about the quest anymore, it’s just about me. I am destined to fail. To be a looser and never be able to date a girl (my quest is clearly something utopic, if I can use that word…). I feel horrible. Sad.
She did not come. I have waited, sipping that obscenely expensive coffee. She didn’t come.
She did not answer her phone. I kept calling like a loser, but she did not answer. She knew she had a date with me, she could’ve just picked up the phone and say “Sorry, loser! I’m not coming anymore, I’m on the Moon now”. But she didn’t have the decency to do that. C. was the worst start possible.
And when I think about the fact that I was happy, excited, full of hope…
Now I’m sad.
Random song. Everly Brothers – Dream, Dream, Dream. That’s all I can do now. Unbelievable. I’m a loser.
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