Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Jul 16, 2008
Good music gone bad because of me (2)
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.
Jul 14, 2008
Good music gone bad because of me
We’re young, we’re flirting, we’re dating, we’re all gorgeous together but, most important, we’re sexual persons (supposedly, “we” are not over 70 :P). For some of us, including myself, there is a real mating ritual (as in mating playlist) which has to be respected when it comes to fun in the bed. And whenever one has something he or she must follow exactly, problems arise – you must have gone through some really funny situations with your “love music playlist” and partner - I know I did! And, since there are no girls I managed to “capture” today (flirting at over 35 degrees Celsius is a tough job!), I decided to remember and share my embarrassing moments of good music gone bad.The first episode I'm presenting involves me, one of my ex-girlfriends and Michael Jackson (no, we were not underage and visiting his mansion :D). But we were still early teens and it was still kind of cool to listen to MJ’s music, so he was in my playlist.
I remember that I was getting very passionate with this one girl when, all of a sudden, Michael started to sing his They Don’t Care About Us song – if you know it, you probably also know that it’s not really the best track for sweet love-making. I, for one, was sure of that, but at the same time I had no intention to stop what I was doing and go change the song. So I decided to deal with the situation in a fun, teen, worry-less type of way.
I started to synchronize my moves with the beat of the drums from the song which, at first, was proved to be a true moneymaker: my girlfriend started to scream even harder, she was really enjoying that fast pump-up-the-jam action. However, for my body it proved to be VERY bad idea since I only managed to make my girl scream for just about a minute more… *blushes*Yes, you can imagine it was very embarrassing for me and, even though I kept repeating to myself that it was only an accident, one thing’s clear: I would not dare to double check this. Not to mention the fact that, back then, for quite a long time, the girl kept reminding me that we needed more time to take our clothes off, than to have girl-to-man fun. Yeah, thanks a lot for that, Michael!
Until I find some time to continue my good music gone bad series (yes, unfortunately, I have more – “A woman in love” and “Down in my knees” are already scheduled for the next "episode"), here’s the song that made me redefine the term of “quickie” (just follow the drums if you want to test it):
Jul 6, 2008
A perfect time in the company of a lady
Her name is O. I could say that we’re friends since we were born – we were never lovers, but we always talked about “what if…” We used to flirt, usually online, since she was miles and miles away from me (or vice-versa, depending on the point of view :D). We used to say that whenever we will meet again, if we'll ever meet again, we’ll have a night to remember. And that happened last night.
I went to pick her up from our meeting place, feeling nervous, feeling the butterflies in the stomach – exactly as you feel when you first fall in love, with the only exception that I was not in love (nor falling). I was very excited, though – meeting a girl you have talked that much with, you have known for that long and you admire (yes, I really admire O.), meeting her for the first time, face to face, after a ten year long break – that is something! My heart was beating like it was on steam, my mind was in the 20th cloud and I was over excited – happily, I managed not to hit any car and safely reached the destination.
When I saw her, I felt my knees are weak, I felt the ground trying to swallow me: she was more beautiful than I was anticipating (even though I have seen her tens of times on webcam – it’s completely different in real life!). She was no longer the little girl I used to play hide and seek with and do all sorts of strange things – somehow, I was still considering her a child until we met. She was a woman, she was smoking hot, she had a great, fit body, a perfect tan, a smile that could make you smile back instantly, she just had an aura which made you feel like hugging her, like a little child. Which I did – and when I touched her soft, perfumed skin, I felt the electrifying sensation of love. Or something very similar. Something which is hard to explain and it is not necessary sexual.
We kept talking – we had a LOT of catching up to do, she had a lot to say, there were a lot of sweet memories from when we were kids and used to play out in the yard together... When she talked, she kept looking straight into my eyes. Every now and then she was biting her lower lip – and I never saw before something as sensual as that. It was like the forbidden fruit, it was like the ripest apple: something you HAD to taste. But she was just teasing. She was smiling, seeing how uncomfortable that was making me. She was just playing – it was nothing but a game for her, as it happened when we used to chat online. It was not a date. She was not really flirting. Or… was she?
The music was great: we listened to a few “hits” from our childhood, we laughed when we remembered how 
much we loved that crap; she danced a little, teasing me even more, when one of her favorite hip hop tracks started playing; she innocently looked at me when Nick Cave started to sing his duet with PJ Harvey – one of the best and strangest love songs ever created, Henry Lee (and we danced); then, thanks to the shuffle mode, Another Level began when they started singing Freak me (and we kissed - suddenly, quickly, without warning).
I thought that was the beginning. I was aching for her. I was aching to feel her, I was planning to get her to bed and never let her go. Or so I was thinking. But she had other plans. She said “So that’s how it feels kissing you” then stoarted t dance again. When I tried to kiss her again, she didn’t allow me to. She started to talk in riddles: “Life’s a game,” she said. “Well, I really want to play,” I said, and it was probably the line of my life. She just giggled and told me to get us something to drink.
You can imagine that I was sure we were just “warming up” – drinks, music, dancing, her biting her lips, looking sexy, being sexy, breathing sexy… you get the deal. However, we just talked. Yes, sorry to disappoint you – we only talked, about everything, about anything. But I really had the time of my life. Hopefully it was the same for her – I don’t know, she seemed to have had everything well planned way before. Because she said,
during a silence break, when I was starting to get lost into her beautiful eyes: “I want to spend the night with you. I want to sleep over. I won’t, because we both know what would happen in such a case. And we both want that, too. But we should not – I’ll tell you tomorrow why”. A riddle again, but I accepted to play. I could’ve sold my soul to the devil during those moments, just to be sure I’ll get the chance to spend more time with her. So we talked a bit more. I asked her if can I take a few pictures of her “to share with the world”. What you see in the post is the result.
And the next day began. Today. We met again – she wanted us to “go out,” and I was her slave, I would’ve gone anywhere. We went and visited a few of the places where we used to play when we were kids and, once again, sweet memories began to come back to us. She took me to the park and we walked through the alleys, hand in hand – she said all that was everything we would’ve done if she wouldn’t have gone in the
But I was starting to wonder when that “I’ll tell you tomorrow why” thing will happen. When were we going to get back to my place and go to heaven. She kept delaying that, she kept walking, she kept exploring, she kept bringing me to life. And I was soon going to understand what was her plan. Her brilliance. That particular something which makes her to be as special as I consider her to be.
After countless hours of walking and talking and never getting bored, while we were resting in a pub, drinking a soda, she started to explain (and, like I did until know, I will quote her from my memory): “Being together with you is a wonderful thing,” she said. “It’s fun, it’s great, it’s much better than what I was remembering to be. It feels better than when we were kids, it is much better than what I was imagining when we talked online…” She was looking straight into my eyes, holding my hand. I was muted. “Just like I said last night, I want to go home with you, I want to feel you deep inside me, I want us to have the same great time we had until now. BUT I don’t want this ‘special’ feeling to fade away. I don’t want my memories for you to be, in a couple of years: ‘the guy I spent some quality time with and had sex and left and it was OK’. I don’t want this pain I’m feeling to go away, I don’t want you to scratch this itch, because I want the memories. Because I want to remember you, exactly as I knew you until now: great, special, unique. Sex would destroy the whole thing and I want it unaltered. I want to always feel this itch and always ask myself ‘what if,” she said. And that, my friends, was the best “I love you” I ever heard in my life. That was the moment I started to think that My Girl Quest is pointless. That life is pointless. That O. is the only person in the world who matters.
She is going to leave in a short trip in the country for a few days, then come back here for one or two more days, then forever leave the country (and maybe just to visit every ten years, as it happened now). Miles and miles will be between us but, as she said, the memory will never die. And probably that’s the best thing for both of us – to always remember. Because, in my humble opinion, there is nothing worst than being forgotten. Than losing the last shade of love from the person you loved the most. I know, one can’t generally speak about love after (basically) one date, but this is different. This is a life lesson she wanted to teach me, this is something only a great person would or could do. O. is that wonderful person and only know I realize how complete my life is, because I know her. Because she is my friend. Because I did not ruin everything with a pointless sex session. Yes, I truly believe her – there are times (special times, like this one, one of a kind moments) when sex is really pointless. Otherwise, I wouldn’t say now, from all my heart, that I had the best time of my life during this weekend. The best. Thanks, O.!
Jun 28, 2008
The end of a love story… or something
As I said, I had some really mixed feelings for A. She was loveable and angelic but, as I was going to find out, she was far from being an angel. And I tend to believe that E. was right to feel mad on her (just to keep up with the captions, E. is the neighbor I did earlier this week and part of the reason why T and I don’t talk anymore)
Anyway… it was proved to me that A. was quite a devil. After the strange night we had, I woke up feeling pretty OK: I was still feeling bad following the punches received from the drunk guy, but all in all was OK. I wasn’t in the mood to flirt, though… but there was no reason to do that, after all: I already had the girl, A. and there are no rules against spending more than one night with the same chick, right? Especially if she does a great job at being a… female, you know? So I wanted to spend a few more hours with her, maybe do her one more time, then get my ass in the car and drive home and forget about that place. Again, God had other plans!
When I woke up she was already awake, naked, looking at her body in the mirror and putting on some make-up. Of course, I found the view really exciting (duuh!) and thought it was my lucky morning, but she told me to go take a shower and prepare to have some fun. She said we still had a lot to do. And this scared me a bit. “We”? “a lot to do”? What the hell? We barely knew each other, we had NOTHING to do except make up, kiss and say goodbye. But, since I’m not that alpha male I sometimes pretend to be… I said “OK” and went to take the shower.
I found out the plans: we had to go eat the breakfast out (we did), we had to leave the car in the parking lot and go for a walk to look at some clothes (we did, but I did not buy her anything – and she didn’t seem to be affected by that at the moment), we had to stop at a fancy pub and drink beer (?!? yes, she wanted that and we did it!), then walk a bit more because “that’s what people do”… and stuff like that. For at least four hours we did strange things, couple's things, something we shouldn’t have done. I was afraid she was going to take me meet her family soon!
Instead, she told me something like: “How much can one drink without getting to the hospital?” and basically invited me to another pub to find out the answer. Don’t get me wrong… I totally liked her attitude, but it was scary as hell what she was doing – it’s not something you do with strangers, right? Still… there was something pushing me from behind and I accepted her invite and went to “get wasted”.
I have no idea what pub was that or where was it compared to her apartment, but every single body there seemed to know my angelic A. And, even worse, she seemed to know everybody – but that was not something to make me think there was something fishy somewhere. I mean… people have friends, and I’m not the one to judge! So we kept drinking. And we kept doing it until we were pretty drunk. And we talked. A lot. And you know how people tell strange secrets from their past when they’re drunk? Well… the same did A.
She admitted to me that she was a kind of an escort in the past – she had no “manager”, she was on her own. No contracts, no direct payment, only “let’s flirt, let’s do it, buy me a present”. Something that is, unfortunately, a common thing in my country and many girls do that. A. was one of those – she admitted that (no, don't think prostitution, it's not exactly the same thing). But she also admitted that with me “it was different”. Back then, because I was drunk, I believed her and felt kind of honored. To have a tramp like you is a real achievement! To flirt with her, pick her up and do her no strings attached – it’s a huge achievement. So I was feeling like a real man back then and, naive, I believed her.
Eventually she told me to pay for the drinks and go home. She said had a little “treat” for me. But, before all that, she told me that she would love to have something from me… something to make keep me alive in her memories. And I was drunk and agreed to buy her a present. Big mistake. Because that was everything she wanted from me, actually (well… at least she offered something in exchange… but it is still not very encouraging and definitely not something to lose a friend for).
Anyway… to finish this post and the story (I realize that I am absolutely boring, but it’s the fault of the tiredness I have accumulated): when we were heading from the shop to her apartment for me to get that "treat", I was stopped by the police. I was pretty drunk and they almost suspended my driver’s license, but I managed to get away with that. At home we had some great, great fun and she kept saying me that I was different, that she was sure we could work it out and start a relationship.
I was going to leave the next day, though. And she was not going to cry. Now she has a nice gift. I just have another girl’s name to write on My Girl Quest's list. And a bunch of really nice pictures of her (sorry for all the blur, but that’s how it should be done, …)
Jun 18, 2008
Dealing with your ex
If I were the paranoid type of person (please notice the sarcasm!), I could’ve said that I have been asking for it, with all my “somebody’s watching me” nonsense. But I was partially correct – even though it seems that nobody was watching my blog (from the people that should not do it, of course!), my worst fear was just around the corner. The beast that ate my life and threw it in the garbage dump. The reason for My Girl Quest, in the first place. My ex. M.
Today she said she just had to meet me, that it was a must, that there was no other way to do it. She said it was a very urgent thing and she really, really needed my help – she was in trouble. And, even though I feel like puking whenever I think of her; even though it hurts me to tears to remember any of the moments I had spent with her; even though I promised to myself that M. is dead and she will never ever get a chance to sneak into my life… I was a bit worried. She needed help, as she said and it seemed like I was the only person able to help her.
I am so stupid sometimes!
We agreed to meet at 5. This meant that I had to ask my boss to let me leave earlier today (and I will probably have to compensate for this somehow tomorrow). Anyway… I left earlier and went straight home. Back then, I didn’t find it funny she wanted to meet at my place, not in a pub or something...
So she came to the door, more beautiful than ever, smelling like a new life, looking like paradise, breathing heaven. And I was probably looking like the most stupid thing on earth there, in front of the door, drooling and starting to remember the good.
That’s always the problem in such cases – when you meet a person you truly loved after so much time (yes, I do consider 6 months SO much time), you tend to forget the unbearable pain she has provoked. You tend to act stupid. You are defenseless and she usually knows it. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have come looking like she did, smelling like she did, and having so big “problems”.
I am so stupid sometimes!
Without even saying “Hello”, she jumped into my arms and kissed me. I don’t have words for the feeling I had when I felt her lips, when I touched her skin, when I started to remember HER. She told me that she did think about the whole thing and that she realized she had mistaken to dump me for another dude. She told me that she truly loved me and she realized that while being alone for the past two weeks, after that guy dumped her.
Let me repeat that: She said that she realized how much she loved me AFTER the guy she dumped me for, dumped her. After she became single. All alone. And she needed a milking cow. You get it?
And I am not that stupid!
The first thing I felt like doing was to hit her. To hit her hard and tell her to f*** off. But I have never hit a woman and she definitely did not worth being a first for me. Then I thought I should just play the game a little and take her to my bed, take advantage of her then write her name in My Girl Quest’s list then shew her. But I did not do it. Instead, I told her that I no longer feel anything for her. I showed her the pictures I took with C. and that M. (the one from the party, obviously). I showed her I can have a life without her. That I can still have sex after she’s gone. That I am a man.
She insisted. I denied. She tried to kiss me again, I had the strength to refuse. I invited her to leave. I invited her to go and never turn back. I wished her good luck and asked her to wish me the same, since I had bigger plans for my life. She said nothing.
Was I stupid? Was I stupid I said no to her? Oh, God, please tell me I did the right thing!
____________________
Top image credits: www.wigen.net
Jun 7, 2008
You can’t delete your life
Deleting your past is impossible now and I doubt the future would change things too much. Also, changing your life is just too damn hard. And I really wanted to throw away all the pictures I had with M. But I just can’t delete them. I just can’t burn them. We’re talking about some great 5 years of my life. You can’t press Delete and “Wham!” five years are gone. You can’t delete your life like this…
Actually, I just did more harm than good trying to “sort the pics” and delete them. I saw her again. How beautiful she is… how nice she smelled, how soft her skin was… and how cruel her heart... I wanted to post a few pictures with her, but I found this one. This one right here suits the situation best: that’s what she is now. A shadow. Nothing more than a shadow. She doesn’t even deserve to be on my blog. She doesn’t deserve a picture here, in my new life!
Bye bye, M!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
