Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Oct 26, 2008
Guys, girls and imagination
There are funny pics - that's the type of images I like looking at when I'm drunk and no other time. It feels sad to be completely sober, watch funny images and start laughing but if you're drunk you have an excuse and you're no longer pathetic. I am no longer pathetic. On the other hand (right, to be more specific) there are sexy pictures. Those can be looked at no matter when. Those stimulate a man's imagination and sometimes they're great cuz they keep you going: you see one chick in one pic and you set her as your objective: you won't stop til you get one like her.
And, for everybody else, there are funny sexy pics, who are just great to look at whenever you feel like. And I feel like buying a new DVD-player like... right now! But I want the exact same remote control model!
On the other hand (right, again) you might just be a manly man, muscular and fit. I'd like that, too. Who wouldn't. May the force be with you. Keep it up! And I have absolutely no idea if I'm talking about hers or yours.
Anyway... if I said something about the FORCE - this is the reason I did it. HAlloween is closer than ever so I wonder: will I hit the right party? This chick deffinitely did:
Sep 30, 2008
Oops, she did it again!
I was silently and boringly surfing the internet when I accidentally found out that, once again, a Britney Spears sex tape is out in the wild. There were lots of rumors regarding the existence of such a video in the past, but it was proved, every time, that they were all fake.
However, this time it appears to be different - the Britney Spears sex video is allegedly awaiting for "the right price" to be published, being held by Britney's ex-banger Adnan Ghalib. So, it seems that this time, the "queen" did it again. It was the time she did something, right? I mean... except for being fat and a pain in everybody's but... did she do anything recently? Sex tapes. So... bring it on, let us see some booty.
Oh, and my stupid little question for miss Britney, if she reads this (lol): Do you like anal?
Sep 4, 2008
What every man needs...
I have just finished drinking my third coffee today and I still feel bad: I could sleep starting this second and only wake up on Monday. I need a break and I can't afford one right now, unfortunately. And then, I find this picture you can see and start wondering: why is nobody paying attention to this kind of pics. Give me a workplace like this one (without my job being named "porn star") and I'll sure as hell be more productive than ever. Really, now, I just found a dream job. I've got a laptop, too, so I'm all set. Aiiiight?
Aug 15, 2008
How to get Emo chicks
Honestly, I have had very few contacts with emo kids, emo as a phenomenon and I doubt I have ever listened to any Emo music (at least if I did, I never knew what it was). Anyway, I kept hearing jokes about these sad kids and my general idea about emo people was that they kind of sucked… you know, as in “pathetic losers”...Yesterday night I went to have a drink with a friend of mine and we ended making fun of these “pathetic losers” – none of us actually knowing what “being emo” means. You know, it was the talk before you think thing – it's not a first for me, unfortunately :D
Anyway, after a while, we got to the brilliant conclusion that since Emo chicks consider themselves pathetic losers, good-for-nothing babes, ugly and God knows what else, it would be pretty easy to get them. I mean… if I were a desperate, 350 lbs dude with stinky breath and a 3 inch wiener, I’d probably accept any girl. You get the idea. What matters the most is the fact that we decided to start a new marathon: get the emo chicks.
Of course, there were two problems here: we were I know, a complete piece of crap, but when you’re drunk, some things seem nothing but pure genius!
So we kept walking, emptying the backpack and not finding any emo chicks. Of course, we were so caught up with our plans and fantasies and stuff that we probably passed by tons of good to get girls… but it doesn’t matter, because in the end we got what we deserved and it was priceless!
In a slightly illuminated area, there were groups of two people (4-5, at most) sitting in pairs every here and there, drinking and talking and smoking. Emo girls! My friend and I got our eyes on the most pathetic looking of them all (a chick with a strange Sonic-like hairstyle and a little chubby one having Cloud’s haircut). Anyway, two lonely girls, pissed off on life,
willing to let us prove them things are actually better. Or just do them, no strings attached :DSo we sat down relatively close to the girls – we didn’t want to appear to be too pushy, not to scare them and we started to talk. Being funny. Probably utterly failing, since we were drunk, but back then everything seemed great. Anyway… eventually we started to talk about the fact that we were all alone, that we could use some company… stuff like that, preparing the big approach and the big "getting of the emo chicks" followed by an effortless night of banging and good-bye-baby. It wasn’t meant to be.
Because before we ended our flirting program, the two Emo chicks got up and one said to another something like: “Let’s go, dude! These gay fu*** are horrible” and the chubby one agreed: “F***ing fa*s!” We were shocked. We just did our best (even though drunk) to get two guys! Our highly anticipated success with the Emo chicks proved to be a total fluke. And, man, last night was the moment when I decided: never trust these Emo persons again. You can really not be sure if they take their trousers down and prove to be some hunky dudes! Eeeek!
Aug 14, 2008
Hilarious: Cure for premature climax
Being a flirting king or flirting master or whatever has nothing to do with being a performer in bed – that was proved, unfortunately, just a couple of days ago by the one you can really call Mr. Fast. However, the news quickly started to circulate among my friends, unfortunately, since I forgot that D, my best friend, knows about the existence of My Girl Quest (and thus this blog) and he can’t really keep things for himself.However, if my friends wouldn’t have known about that I would have never seen these images you can enjoy now and which are said to guarantee you will never have problems in bed (aka premature ejaculation :D). And they probably are right, since these things are so damn hilarious! But now I know what I want for my birthday lol.
Aug 4, 2008
Funny searches
I’ve seen this done in other blogs and I got really curious about it, so I started to check out the keywords/search strings that got people from search engines to my blog. I hoped to see lots of girl quests, flirting techniques, flirting masters and other dating-related stuff, but I was surprised to find out that a few people came here searching for completely different things. It's always like that, it seemsFirst of all, “girl piss” and “girls piss” were two terms that brought me no less than 16 visitors! Can you imagine that there are 16 people searching for that? :D I am really sorry for them, I have no idea why they get here.
A rather strange visit came from a guy or girl who searched for nothing but “window voyeur sexy neighbour peeping tom”. My accidentally-exhibitionist neighbor got the hit and I truly hoped that post deserved such a loooong search string.
However, my favorite search in the past month remains “my girl sucks for money”. And I was so naïve to think that girls would not take advantage of the fact that we love oral sex so much!
Other rather funny searches were: “squashed girl”, “who is sexiest flirt line”, “sex date with busty bar girl” and “peeing Tom”. Oh, come on, dude! It’s “peeping!”
Aug 1, 2008
Sex sells. No, really?
Everybody keeps saying that – sex sells. I don’t know about that, but it surely sells better than… let’s say, mustard. Flirting with girls doesn’t sell, on the other hand. At least it never pays off for me. Anyway… I’m not on topic. Sex sells, they say and the last person to prove that will be Tera Patrick, the famous porn star. What’s the deal?I just read somewhere that she will be a spokesperson/something official for an upcoming video game, Resistance 2. Pretty strange combination of names, I must admit, since the girl, as we know it, rarely resists doing stuff she shouldn’t. And we’re also unable to resist her charms. Video game developers/publishers seem to have a real sick sense of humor.
But that’s not the point. The point is that the porn industry and the gaming industry are slowly starting to shake hands (or to embrace, or to do it, or whatever they’re doing). Right now, they’re only using chicks to promote products and honestly I don’t really care about that. But I’m waiting for the moment when these girls will actually star in the game and do what they know to do best. That’s when I’m going to pray for the likes of Tera Patrick to star in games, too. Hopefully, that will happen soon. It’s been a while since something as “shocking” as the Hot Coffee was released…
UPDATE: I made a little mistake here. No, sex still sells, but another game. Saints Row 2, not Resistance. I told you it was a strange combination of Tera and Resistance. Anyway, here's what I'm talking about, that's what we should expect from this cooperation:
Jul 16, 2008
Good music gone bad because of me (2)
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Jul 14, 2008
Good music gone bad because of me
We’re young, we’re flirting, we’re dating, we’re all gorgeous together but, most important, we’re sexual persons (supposedly, “we” are not over 70 :P). For some of us, including myself, there is a real mating ritual (as in mating playlist) which has to be respected when it comes to fun in the bed. And whenever one has something he or she must follow exactly, problems arise – you must have gone through some really funny situations with your “love music playlist” and partner - I know I did! And, since there are no girls I managed to “capture” today (flirting at over 35 degrees Celsius is a tough job!), I decided to remember and share my embarrassing moments of good music gone bad.The first episode I'm presenting involves me, one of my ex-girlfriends and Michael Jackson (no, we were not underage and visiting his mansion :D). But we were still early teens and it was still kind of cool to listen to MJ’s music, so he was in my playlist.
I remember that I was getting very passionate with this one girl when, all of a sudden, Michael started to sing his They Don’t Care About Us song – if you know it, you probably also know that it’s not really the best track for sweet love-making. I, for one, was sure of that, but at the same time I had no intention to stop what I was doing and go change the song. So I decided to deal with the situation in a fun, teen, worry-less type of way.
I started to synchronize my moves with the beat of the drums from the song which, at first, was proved to be a true moneymaker: my girlfriend started to scream even harder, she was really enjoying that fast pump-up-the-jam action. However, for my body it proved to be VERY bad idea since I only managed to make my girl scream for just about a minute more… *blushes*Yes, you can imagine it was very embarrassing for me and, even though I kept repeating to myself that it was only an accident, one thing’s clear: I would not dare to double check this. Not to mention the fact that, back then, for quite a long time, the girl kept reminding me that we needed more time to take our clothes off, than to have girl-to-man fun. Yeah, thanks a lot for that, Michael!
Until I find some time to continue my good music gone bad series (yes, unfortunately, I have more – “A woman in love” and “Down in my knees” are already scheduled for the next "episode"), here’s the song that made me redefine the term of “quickie” (just follow the drums if you want to test it):
Jul 6, 2008
A perfect time in the company of a lady
Her name is O. I could say that we’re friends since we were born – we were never lovers, but we always talked about “what if…” We used to flirt, usually online, since she was miles and miles away from me (or vice-versa, depending on the point of view :D). We used to say that whenever we will meet again, if we'll ever meet again, we’ll have a night to remember. And that happened last night.
I went to pick her up from our meeting place, feeling nervous, feeling the butterflies in the stomach – exactly as you feel when you first fall in love, with the only exception that I was not in love (nor falling). I was very excited, though – meeting a girl you have talked that much with, you have known for that long and you admire (yes, I really admire O.), meeting her for the first time, face to face, after a ten year long break – that is something! My heart was beating like it was on steam, my mind was in the 20th cloud and I was over excited – happily, I managed not to hit any car and safely reached the destination.
When I saw her, I felt my knees are weak, I felt the ground trying to swallow me: she was more beautiful than I was anticipating (even though I have seen her tens of times on webcam – it’s completely different in real life!). She was no longer the little girl I used to play hide and seek with and do all sorts of strange things – somehow, I was still considering her a child until we met. She was a woman, she was smoking hot, she had a great, fit body, a perfect tan, a smile that could make you smile back instantly, she just had an aura which made you feel like hugging her, like a little child. Which I did – and when I touched her soft, perfumed skin, I felt the electrifying sensation of love. Or something very similar. Something which is hard to explain and it is not necessary sexual.
We kept talking – we had a LOT of catching up to do, she had a lot to say, there were a lot of sweet memories from when we were kids and used to play out in the yard together... When she talked, she kept looking straight into my eyes. Every now and then she was biting her lower lip – and I never saw before something as sensual as that. It was like the forbidden fruit, it was like the ripest apple: something you HAD to taste. But she was just teasing. She was smiling, seeing how uncomfortable that was making me. She was just playing – it was nothing but a game for her, as it happened when we used to chat online. It was not a date. She was not really flirting. Or… was she?
The music was great: we listened to a few “hits” from our childhood, we laughed when we remembered how 
much we loved that crap; she danced a little, teasing me even more, when one of her favorite hip hop tracks started playing; she innocently looked at me when Nick Cave started to sing his duet with PJ Harvey – one of the best and strangest love songs ever created, Henry Lee (and we danced); then, thanks to the shuffle mode, Another Level began when they started singing Freak me (and we kissed - suddenly, quickly, without warning).
I thought that was the beginning. I was aching for her. I was aching to feel her, I was planning to get her to bed and never let her go. Or so I was thinking. But she had other plans. She said “So that’s how it feels kissing you” then stoarted t dance again. When I tried to kiss her again, she didn’t allow me to. She started to talk in riddles: “Life’s a game,” she said. “Well, I really want to play,” I said, and it was probably the line of my life. She just giggled and told me to get us something to drink.
You can imagine that I was sure we were just “warming up” – drinks, music, dancing, her biting her lips, looking sexy, being sexy, breathing sexy… you get the deal. However, we just talked. Yes, sorry to disappoint you – we only talked, about everything, about anything. But I really had the time of my life. Hopefully it was the same for her – I don’t know, she seemed to have had everything well planned way before. Because she said,
during a silence break, when I was starting to get lost into her beautiful eyes: “I want to spend the night with you. I want to sleep over. I won’t, because we both know what would happen in such a case. And we both want that, too. But we should not – I’ll tell you tomorrow why”. A riddle again, but I accepted to play. I could’ve sold my soul to the devil during those moments, just to be sure I’ll get the chance to spend more time with her. So we talked a bit more. I asked her if can I take a few pictures of her “to share with the world”. What you see in the post is the result.
And the next day began. Today. We met again – she wanted us to “go out,” and I was her slave, I would’ve gone anywhere. We went and visited a few of the places where we used to play when we were kids and, once again, sweet memories began to come back to us. She took me to the park and we walked through the alleys, hand in hand – she said all that was everything we would’ve done if she wouldn’t have gone in the
But I was starting to wonder when that “I’ll tell you tomorrow why” thing will happen. When were we going to get back to my place and go to heaven. She kept delaying that, she kept walking, she kept exploring, she kept bringing me to life. And I was soon going to understand what was her plan. Her brilliance. That particular something which makes her to be as special as I consider her to be.
After countless hours of walking and talking and never getting bored, while we were resting in a pub, drinking a soda, she started to explain (and, like I did until know, I will quote her from my memory): “Being together with you is a wonderful thing,” she said. “It’s fun, it’s great, it’s much better than what I was remembering to be. It feels better than when we were kids, it is much better than what I was imagining when we talked online…” She was looking straight into my eyes, holding my hand. I was muted. “Just like I said last night, I want to go home with you, I want to feel you deep inside me, I want us to have the same great time we had until now. BUT I don’t want this ‘special’ feeling to fade away. I don’t want my memories for you to be, in a couple of years: ‘the guy I spent some quality time with and had sex and left and it was OK’. I don’t want this pain I’m feeling to go away, I don’t want you to scratch this itch, because I want the memories. Because I want to remember you, exactly as I knew you until now: great, special, unique. Sex would destroy the whole thing and I want it unaltered. I want to always feel this itch and always ask myself ‘what if,” she said. And that, my friends, was the best “I love you” I ever heard in my life. That was the moment I started to think that My Girl Quest is pointless. That life is pointless. That O. is the only person in the world who matters.
She is going to leave in a short trip in the country for a few days, then come back here for one or two more days, then forever leave the country (and maybe just to visit every ten years, as it happened now). Miles and miles will be between us but, as she said, the memory will never die. And probably that’s the best thing for both of us – to always remember. Because, in my humble opinion, there is nothing worst than being forgotten. Than losing the last shade of love from the person you loved the most. I know, one can’t generally speak about love after (basically) one date, but this is different. This is a life lesson she wanted to teach me, this is something only a great person would or could do. O. is that wonderful person and only know I realize how complete my life is, because I know her. Because she is my friend. Because I did not ruin everything with a pointless sex session. Yes, I truly believe her – there are times (special times, like this one, one of a kind moments) when sex is really pointless. Otherwise, I wouldn’t say now, from all my heart, that I had the best time of my life during this weekend. The best. Thanks, O.!
Jun 30, 2008
The funny faker
Don’t you just hate these guys who have “fake” written all over their body? What about those who keep injecting steroids and love to compliment one another: “Uh, dude! You gotz a fit azz!”, while talking like a mini - Arnold? Well… I know I can’t really stand them.
And today I witnessed how one of these cyborg-dudes was silenced by a skinny girl (she was a quarter of his size). I laughed like a mad man and instantly knew I had to share.
So… I was drinking a hot frappe coffee during my lunch break, admiring the girls and their adorable summer clothing (I had no intentions of flirting yet, though – last week was enough for me, for the moment, of course). Anyway… just a few tables away was this guy: huge (as in muscle-huge), bald and, I must admit, a quite scary fellow. He was sipping some natural juice from a bottle and probably had his hormones skating and felt the need to get a girl.
A short, very skinny girl was passing by his table when he decided to be a “male”: he reached out his had, like a barrier and stopped her by saying something smart like “Hey, babe!”. Even though I would’ve probably pissed my pants in such a moment, the girl had a great, priceless reaction any date fanatic would’ve applauded. She said “They should photograph you and show the pic to the kids and say ‘Don’t do steroids!’”know how to flirt! (and I’m one of them :D) Thank God I’m not pumping my biceps’ too!
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Image credits: Robert Kopecky
Jun 27, 2008
I'm still alive (fortunately)
The first thing I have to do is say sorry for this two days-long break, but strange things are bound to happen when you are not home – one of them being “no internet access, pal!”. And now, just to make you laugh, I’m kind of hiding in the bathroom with the laptop here, trying to make the best out of this entry in which I will not be able to narrate 10% of what happened during the past couple of days (probably). Everything was a complete madness, this I can tell you! And a big, huge mess!
I don’t even know what the most important thing that happened is and what should I talk about fist – I have managed to develop an at least strange “relationship” with A., I have managed to ruin my friendship with the friend I was living at, I became broke and homeless in this strange city and I was inches close of losing my driver’s license and making it even riskier to go back home. So… how can one narrate all these in one post, basically hiding in the bathroom? :D
Since this is My Girl Quest, though, I will consider the “screwing A.” chapter of the past couple of days the most important, so I’ll quickly sum up the things that happened between us – it has been so much that I am sure I could write an entire book about it. Who knew dating is such a serious thing? Heh.
So, as I was predicting in my previous entry, I did meet with A. two days ago and that was basically the thing that turned my peaceful short vacation into a terrible mess. Not necessary because of her – she is a wonderful person, even though I can say she’s a bit too naive and maybe too inexperienced
when it comes to living (well… she is only 19 and not even I can consider myself a guy who knows stuff about life :D). Anyway… she is pretty sweet and childish and there is something about her that instantly makes you go crazy. Just lose it, just fall for her and never get up – something that would’ve been a disaster for me and My Girl Quest, since the whole point is to score as many chicks as possible, right?
So… I was into a pretty awkward situation: out with a girl I just had to score in order to record progress in my mission, but on the other hand she was… loveable. That type of girl who seems like the best option for commitment. But I have the bad five years long experience and I won’t fall so quickly again. Especially when everything else is falling apart around me.
Because our first date (a sort-of romantic dinner, just the two of us, followed by a long walk – you know, the classic style) turned into a mess, as I kept saying. I, of course, invited her home (to my friend’s apartment, actually) and she accepted. The dude was out, clubbing with his friends and I was ready for a long night alone with A. God or whatever rules the universe had other plans, though.
After the successful date we started making out, everything was great – hell, even the music was right (something which rarely happens to me)! However, we got interrupted – it was the worst possible moment, while we were making love. If you don’t know how much that sucks, you can count yourself really lucky. Anyway, I heard my friend, T., entering his apartment and since I considered him one of my best mates, I quickly wrapped a towel around my waist and went straight to the entrance, willing to ask him for a spare hour or so, to finish the job I had started. But I was a bit shocked to see what I saw: he was cuddling with E. (his sexy neighbor I did just a few days ago). Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care too much about her, but she was living in the apartment above and T. knew I was there with a girl, for God’s sake! And I had just screwed his date a few days before! It was a really, really strange situation and I did feel a bit offended and I kept wondering why would T. do something like that.
However, as it usually happens – a problem always comes together with another problem – things got even worse just minutes after, when A. came out of the room and E. started to scream like a mad woman. Apparently, the two girls knew one another and they were not friends: in the past, E. had stolen one of A.’s lovers. Yeah, something wicked like that. So A. started to act strange and say rude things to E, including the fact that she had once again stolen one of her lovers – me! And that was something that didn’t go well for T, my mate, who was basically the woman’s partner (at least for the night). So we were all standing there, the atmosphere was really tense, the girls kept throwing arrows to each other, T. was pretty mad, I was really confused and annoyed, as well… eventually my mate told me it would be better if I left and that we were going to talk in the morning. And he knew I had no place to sleep! He just threw me out of his house, together with A., who was pretty annoyed and paranoid, too. I wasn’t in a great shape, either and that wasn't one of the best moments in my life.
...But now I have to pause the whole thing, I’m spending too much time already here (I’m in the bathroom) and I can hear A. getting a bit anxious. So I should leave. I will try to log in later today and add some pictures to this pretty lengthy post and edit it properly. Then, without any promises regarding the timing, I will come and post the rest of the story. Because this is just the beginning.
Jun 20, 2008
Things people should build: flirting gadget
I was starting to get really, really bored today (you know, the same “doing nothing” from me, since I am dead tired - this week I was exhausted because of the parties) so I started to think at some strange, silly things people should’ve invented in order to make MY life and my quest a lot easier. And I found the perfect one: the flirting gadget!
It should be something like those fake testosterone sprays or perfumes (without being fake, obviously): only by pressing a button, you would turn into Superflirt Man or something crazy like that and all the girls around would fall for you (or at least one easy to score, you know?)
And yes, I am aware that something like a flirting device would not only be completely impossible to make, but also stupid and pointless. But it just crossed my mind (earlier, I must admit, and it seemed a bit more fun back then) and I thought I should share, since there are absolutely no real girl-adventures for me to share, unfortunately.
P.S. Yes, I know that there is already a flirting gadget invented and it’s called the Internet (or online dating). But I’m talking about the real deal here, understood? :P
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In other words, tomorrow morning I am going on a short vacation to a friend of mine, as I was planning. Hopefully the change of cities will give me a fresh new start in My Girl Quest. I’ll keep you updated (even though it is a high possibility tomorrow I won’t post).
Jun 10, 2008
Remember the good old times, Sony?
PlayStations have absolutely nothing to do with My Girl Quest. But since I used to work as a game journalist in my country a while ago, I found this specific picture you can in this post worth much more than just 1000 words.
So, what do we see here? We see a happily “just-married” couple (that actually look so 90s!) that enjoys Sony’s newest work of art – the PSOne. Just by looking at them one can understand how happy they were and how good everything went between them – they are even sharing the same controller! Oh, ain’t that sweet and cute and cudly?
But this happened a looong while ago, when Sony one was getting ready to take over the world (with the PS2) and, of course, just like in a hippie generation, everybody was excited back then. Who knows, maybe back then the PlayStation was even able to get you laid. Or at least get you a date. But now, a PS3 wedding cake seems more like a comedy gag!
But that is NOT the funny part. Because I was just wondering, when I accidentally found this old picture: are the two still together? Are they still loving the PlayStation? Or they have too gone to Microsoft’s side now? It would be absolutely hilarious to see their 6-7 year-old kid in a picture, in front of a cake with the shape of an Xbox 360. Heh. And what makes this story even more sad: it could be true!
Note: if you want to see the whole picture, you can click it, of course!
Jun 9, 2008
Crazy girl. CRAZY
There are no words in any dictionary to describe how tired I am today. If “feeling dead” is possible, then definitely that’s the feeling I have. I can’t even think at the moment (and I was like that all day).
- 3 cups of coffee, cold water on my face about 15 times, 6 visits outside for a breath of fresh air. All these had no effect. I am dead tired. Because of her, my latest “date”. My latest chick that should’ve been on the list.
Everything was bound to happen: I went to a club together with a few friends and I was continuously repeating to myself: “get a girl quick, do her, go to sleep”. As strange as it might sound, since I was that tired and knew I had to sleep or die, I turned into a dude with guts. Of course, just as in the bad movies, this greatness of mine ended after I went to a random chick and asked her for a dance. She said something like “F*** you, d***** *****” and other feminine things like that and completely amazed me (imagine!)
Still, it’s not this girl the crazy one. Heh.
The crazy chick only appeared a few beers after that. I was sitting at my group’s table – they were having fun, I was feeling like a loser (again) and there she came – slim, red headed, very drunk and all smiling. Apparently, she was a friend of a friend (honestly, I did not hear her name, so she will always be known in my life as the nameless hero. Or just Crazy Chick. Or I’ll just forget her in a few weeks – it doesn’t matter).
So, as I was saying, she sat right near me and said “God, it’s hot in here!” My first intention was to tell her “Then, strip!” but I realized that it would’ve been a 5th grader’s line. So, as the gentleman I am, I asked her outside (OK, I admit! I was feeling a little dizzy myself, too).
Once we got outside, she started jumping around like a mad person. I am still sure she was on crank or something, but she kept denying it. Anyway, she was jumping around there, I was starting to feel REALLY embarrassed (people were watching, you know?) but she didn’t care. Then, she told me to follow her and didn’t wait may response – she was already running down the street.
I have no idea what was in my head. I followed her (well… you know what was in my head: I was sure I’ll screw her in a dark alley or something). But, no, the chick was just crazy! So, after we ran about 10 minutes with no apparent goal, she stopped, turn around towards me and flashed me. Just like that. Then she came to me, took my hand and told me she wanted to go for a walk.
I was shocked, of course, and I was starting to feel like the victim of a prank. I wasn’t. She was just completely random (yet very conscious at ignoring my flirting - something natural to follow a "flashing session." right?). Instead, she just wanted to go for a walk, hand in hand. So we walked. Holding hands. With me trying to flirt, with her ignoring me.
Then, just like a maddened Forrest Gump or God knows what, she started to run again and I, like the stupid person I am, started to follow. And we finally got there! A dark alley where we were going to finally have sex. I so deserved that! But she had other plans in mind.
She turned around, again, flashed me (again!) then said “Thanks for taking me home!” And that was something she really meant – she just opened the door and entered the elevator. Just like that. Not even a phone number, not even a lousy hand-job! What’s even worse – I had absolutely no idea where I was!
So I was (am, and probably will always be) just a sucker. The girl did me so well that I am almost inclined to say I admire her. Of course, I could say that if it wouldn’t have been a completely random thing. However, I will talk with her friend (if indeed she was her friend) and hopefully I’ll find out more. But now… I’m just dead tired. So no chick for me today. Again.
Jun 1, 2008
Pickup Lines
Really, I'm not yet desperate. But a bit of help is always great. So I have decided to check a few websites and get some inspiration for a few great pickup lines. Hey! I’m a man in need! Not to mention I haven’t done this for a looong time. So, please, stop laughing!
Because the real reasons to laugh are the lines themselves. If there is something they say, that is: “You’re hopeless if you are here now.” Here are a few random examples of pickup stupidity I found on that website:
Because the real reasons to laugh are the lines themselves. If there is something they say, that is: “You’re hopeless if you are here now.” Here are a few random examples of pickup stupidity I found on that website:
- My love for you is like the universe...neverending! (Come on, that’s lame! How could you madly love a person you don’t know???)
- Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted. (It’s obviously not something to say after a few drinks. And, even if you manage to say it right and flawlessly – what girl would buy such a crap?)
- Girl, your body is a wonderland, and I want to be
- I'm like a computer game, you can play with me all day long! (Girls DON’T play, honestly. Even more, they generally run away if they hear “computer geek”)
- I think you got a little food on your lip.. here let me lick it off for you. (Yuck! Really. YUCK!)
- “When I saw your face I thought I died and went to heaven” (Come on, now, that’s not a pickup line, that’s Brian Adams singing!)
- Hey baby you plus me equals we. (Oh, my god! I’m either way too old, or this list was made by dudes under 12. There’s no hope left in the world.)
Honestly, now. If you ever want to know how NOT to pick up a girl, just visit a pickup lines website. I know I am hopeless at the moment and my word doesn’t mean jack, but just read these lines (and, trust me, 99% of them are like that or even worse). Still, I might just have something. The one in a billion chance:
- “Hey, how’s it going? Do you see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute“
Finally something I liked. I will use it tonight. And, after that I promise to myself that I will be original. Pickup lines really suck. Hope she’ll say yes. Whoever she is.
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Image credits: jilliansjournal
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