Aug 15, 2008

How to get Emo chicks

Honestly, I have had very few contacts with emo kids, emo as a phenomenon and I doubt I have ever listened to any Emo music (at least if I did, I never knew what it was). Anyway, I kept hearing jokes about these sad kids and my general idea about emo people was that they kind of sucked… you know, as in “pathetic losers”...

Yesterday night I went to have a drink with a friend of mine and we ended making fun of these “pathetic losers” – none of us actually knowing what “being emo” means. You know, it was the talk before you think thing – it's not a first for me, unfortunately :D

Anyway, after a while, we got to the brilliant conclusion that since Emo chicks consider themselves pathetic losers, good-for-nothing babes, ugly and God knows what else, it would be pretty easy to get them. I mean… if I were a desperate, 350 lbs dude with stinky breath and a 3 inch wiener, I’d probably accept any girl. You get the idea. What matters the most is the fact that we decided to start a new marathon: get the emo chicks.

Of course, there were two problems here: we were slightly very drunk and we had no idea where we could go and find an Emo heaven to pick our girls from there. So my friend stuffed his backpack with beers and we started walking across the streets, searching for girls. We had a holy quest: to get the Emo girls, to take advantage of the biggest treasure of human kind: fresh, free, easy meat for hungry, bad dudes. OR something like that.

I know, a complete piece of crap, but when you’re drunk, some things seem nothing but pure genius!

So we kept walking, emptying the backpack and not finding any emo chicks. Of course, we were so caught up with our plans and fantasies and stuff that we probably passed by tons of good to get girls… but it doesn’t matter, because in the end we got what we deserved and it was priceless!

In a slightly illuminated area, there were groups of two people (4-5, at most) sitting in pairs every here and there, drinking and talking and smoking. Emo girls! My friend and I got our eyes on the most pathetic looking of them all (a chick with a strange Sonic-like hairstyle and a little chubby one having Cloud’s haircut). Anyway, two lonely girls, pissed off on life, willing to let us prove them things are actually better. Or just do them, no strings attached :D

So we sat down relatively close to the girls – we didn’t want to appear to be too pushy, not to scare them and we started to talk. Being funny. Probably utterly failing, since we were drunk, but back then everything seemed great. Anyway… eventually we started to talk about the fact that we were all alone, that we could use some company… stuff like that, preparing the big approach and the big "getting of the emo chicks" followed by an effortless night of banging and good-bye-baby. It wasn’t meant to be.

Because before we ended our flirting program, the two Emo chicks got up and one said to another something like: “Let’s go, dude! These gay fu*** are horrible” and the chubby one agreed: “F***ing fa*s!” We were shocked. We just did our best (even though drunk) to get two guys! Our highly anticipated success with the Emo chicks proved to be a total fluke. And, man, last night was the moment when I decided: never trust these Emo persons again. You can really not be sure if they take their trousers down and prove to be some hunky dudes! Eeeek!

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10 comments:

netta said...

You know, the thought occurred to me -- if your stories didn't all start with "I went to have A drink with a friend of mine...." you might have better luck in your girl quest.

Otherwise, this is fucking hysterical. The accompanying pics are hilarious.

You have no idea how bad I needed this today. Thanks!

Oh -- yeah, the Emo peeps are high maintenance, too. You're better off.

Heh.

Mr. Fast said...

Heh, I'm glad I managed to make your day today! Hopefully next time will be luckier. I'll go and get drunk by myself :D

angelalim said...

haha,awesome, best emo kid anecdote i've ever read.^_^ hey,keep it up,you've gotten so much better at blogging(and flirting,maybe?hopefully?lol) than when you started.i'm rooting for ya :P -angel

Mr. Fast said...

Well, I think we're all doing our best here and it's only natural to progress (or at least understand when you miserably fail :D)

Irtiza said...

hey....u what??? aaaaahaahaa...

becareful man...this time u were lucky and found out the secret before any damage was done.

lolz

angel said...

meh,not me,i'm an inertial being,i haven't progressed since i was 12^_^ close to a decade.got traumatized by the emo-girl experience or what?

Musicguy said...

Check out the Tickle me Emo (Elmo) video on youtube. hilarious.

Denver Cereal said...

I totally agree with everything you said about Emo people - EXCEPT Breaking Benjamin fans and the band. ;P

Claudia at Denver Cereal

Desire said...

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TOPolk said...

Picking up dudes? Ouch. If that doesn't want to make you cut yourself while listening to Hawthorne Heights, I don't know what would...